Einstein vs. Godzilla: The Green Guy Wins
So who's this Einstein guy I keep hearing about? He writes these five papers a hundred years ago, and now the whole world wants a year to glorify him? Booshwah, I say. This year is WYOG — World Year of Godzilla, my 50th anniversary, kicking off my second half-century of tromping on Tokyo and New York, and whomping on any monster wannabe or pusillanimous professor I spot along the way. If this bad-hair egghead wants to do some banging — BRING IT ON!
Now, if, as some say, I'm the kinder, gentler sort of radiation mutation, I admit this much: I do give the guy a tip of my hat. “Einstein, old pal,” I say, “I really do owe it all to you, bless
your relativistic, chain-reacting little heart. Why, without E=mc2, I would never have seen the light of day.” It's true, too. Split some atoms here and there, toss in a little 1950s-style superpower brinkmanship, test a few nuclear devices, and — AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH! — I come bursting on the scene with tongue flaming and top billing right from the start: “GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS!” It is good to be the king.
Sure, you've been on the cover of Time, Einstein, but do they call you “EINSTEIN, KING OF THE PHYSICISTS”? Do populations flee in fear when you're near? No way, sockless savant! You got your five papers in early, but how many did you do 50 years later? Ha! I thought so. My 29th movie just came out in Japan last month — and I'm still doing all my own stunts! Match that, equation-head. You say you've still got some tricks up your sleeve, Einstein? Remember King Kong? I fought King Kong. I outlasted King Kong. And Einstein, you're no King Kong!
Godzilla (as told to Mike Perricone)
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